Artist Matt Walston Goes Missing.

Artist Matt Walston hasn’t been heard from in six months, but don’t worry. He does this every time. As his main collector, I organize shows only to watch him disappear. Nobody hears a word for months, then trinkets and doodads start trickling in from remote locations like Peru, mailed from equally remote but different locations like Cambodia. They come with scrawled notes about the advantages of suicide, requests for cash and long essays on fruitless attempts to find sexually adventurous locals. Before long comes the art, paintings and sculptures, usually stuffed full of jungle hallucinogens with instructions for how to use them and a strict warning not to.

So, as is the usual, I have no idea what the art looks like, but it’s probably good. His last communique mentioned Princess Diana, Osama Bin Laden and cave paintings of rabid albino buffalo, but that may not mean a thing. I sent Matt an advance based on a predicted workload of at least 15 paintings and 3 sculptures, so I expect to have something to hang. I better, people are missing the Olympics for this.